Rings of Power

I confess, when I first started sitting out on my front porch nearly every evening, once everyone else had gone to bed… there was some small part of me that sort of hoped against hope that you might come along walking by some night on a later-than-usual stroll. I knew it wasn't likely to begin with, but I've long since given up the notion. I still do it, though. Because I realized… I just like being outside on a nice evening, If it's a bit cool, I can put on my little fire pit. If the bugs are out, I can light my little citronella torch (which does nothing at all about the bugs but at least puts off a nice light…).

And always, always, I have my dog by my side.

So no, I don't expect you'll ever come and join me… but I like it anyways. Just like how I don't expect you to ever put your hand on my chest, but I like the changes I've made there anyways… or how I don't expect you to ever brush your fingertips across my bare cheek, but I've been enjoying the ritual of keeping it that way anyways…

You might wonder what I do, though… sitting out with one flame or another burning, dog snoring next to me.

Nothing exciting, I assure you. Same stuff I would do inside. Write you letters. Watch TV. Play Zelda. Scroll Facebook. Sometimes lately, even work.

It's a beautiful night tonight, and I finally managed to start watching Rings of Power. It'd been in my queue for ages, but one thing or another… anyhow.

I was sitting here watching it and I couldn't help but wonder if you've seen it yet. Can't help but feel like you probably have. Can't help but wonder what you thought of it. Can't help but wish I could just call you up and ask. Can't help but wish that, if you hadn't, we could watch it together. Can't help but to wonder what commentary you might make. Can't help but to wonder if you'd gradually slide closer and closer to me. Can't help but to imagine the feeling of my arm around you as we take it in together. Can't help but to wonder where the impossible love storyline is going to go (probably somewhere tragic, so perhaps I shouldn't think about that one too much…).

Can't help but to wish I was with you… not in some nameless future, some possibly maybe, some someday, if we can manage… Together. Here. Now.

Can't help but to hope that I've been wrong, and that you will join me one of these nights…

Can't help but to just love you… one way or the other.

Can't help but to love you.

Can't help… I just… I can't help it.

I just love you.

Yours,
♒️